I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
