The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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