There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
