I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Your penis caused this!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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