so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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