he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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