I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
