Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
