i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
