There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
