I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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