drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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