How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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