So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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