He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
