I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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