Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
