can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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