I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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