i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This house was built for laser tag.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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