I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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