We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Enjoy the penises
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
