Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My balls are so social today.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
