he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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