your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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