Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
please come you make the beer taste better
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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