We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
