come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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