he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
