Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
