Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
