I wannas sexs uuuuu
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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