Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
