i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
