piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
