you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
