Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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