Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
