I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
