If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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