Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
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Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
how does that bad decision feel?
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