your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
