A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
