Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
