I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
