Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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