He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
