Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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