I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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