i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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