I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
