Small penises have feelings too.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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