hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
