i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
