i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
