I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
