Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
