She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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