what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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