I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
