Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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