i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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