You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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