What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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