You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
