The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
