That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
