escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
