My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
