i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
