it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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