he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
