the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
