Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
