I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
