i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
