at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
