I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
