I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
